Blast From the Past

Sources close to Skipper Moore have confirmed that there will be a surpise appearance at tonight's games by a former Pirate favorite. Moore refused to reveal the identity of this mystery Pirate, but promised that this player's presence would improve both morale and beer consumption. It is not yet known if the mystery Pirate is playing just this week's games, or the entire Spring Season. Stay tuned for further details as they become available.

Roster Moves – Stanich Out, Ward Set to Return in Week Two

Angry Pirates RHP Cliff Stanich will not make his scheduled start on Wednesday, 4/18 due to a commitment to "visit hillbilles in West Vigrinia". Manager Bobby Moore has not yet announced a starter for Wednesday night's 8:20 game, but was outraged by Stanich's absence. “Who the h_ll am I supposed to start?”, inquired Moore. “Thomas? He’ll be too drunk to find the plate. Castille? Actually, if I start Castille, that would at least get him out of the outfield.”

Moore would like to start P/C Lee Ward, who is returning to the Pirates this season after a winter-long hiatus. Ward, however, has worked out a Roger Clemens-esque arrangement with Pirates 1B/Director of Player Personnel, Jay Vandenberg to play only half of the season, and won’t be available until the Pirates’ 4/25 game against Roundin Third. A two-sport athlete in the mold of Bo Jackson, Ward also competes bi-weekly in a Wednesday night tennis league featuring AM 790’s Charlie Pallillo, who Ward regularly beats like a drum and mocks during matches. When reached for comment on his arrangement for the upcoming season, Ward stated, “I will be a sporadic attendee and you know I don't want to further burnish my rep as being consistently inconsistent.” Ward went on to say, “It will be nice to swing my bat again.”

New Season Schedule Announced, Dean IV Continues to Screw Pirates

Your Angry Pirates return to action at Field Park in Bellaire this Wednesday. BOSL Commissioner Dean Smith, IV released the following schedule this morning:

April 18 - 8:20, 10:00
April 25 - 6:40
May 2 - 9:10, 10:00
May 9 - 8:20, 10:00
May 16 - 8:20
May 23 - Playoffs (expect one game @ 6:40)

Normally level-headed Pirates OF Brian O'Rourke was uncharacteristically miffed by the IV’s vendetta against the Pirates which is readily apparent to anybody with a brain after seeing the BOSL spring schedule.

When reached for comment, O’Rourke stated, "They've put a 10:00 game slot on this schedule, and in the 4 weeks there's a 10:00 game, we're playing 3 of those weeks. Also, every double header we play, we get stuck with an hour between games, with the second being the 10:00 game, which as pretty much everybody knows by now, they're always late, so we might be starting that game till da_n near 10:30."

Commissioner Smith IV did not immediately return a call for comment.